Changing

The tides are changing. It's shifting further inward. Perhaps even back to the part where it all should have began.

I have begun my descent. Or maybe I've never really progressed at all. I'm stuck at my own vanity, my cursed selfishness. I keep up rules that don't really make sense, which just makes the journey worse each day. There are only false enigmas and indignities that I talk of just to cover up my insecurities. Far from improvement, I'm just wallowing myself in self-scorn and berating myself for it after. Why can't I just stand up and take a step towards a different life? He's giving me boundaries of reality that I should walk on. But I still hang on to the poles I erected around myself, only because I hang on to my selfishness. He has become a better person while I am stuck in this limbo. Not budging and too afraid to be humbled.

I am but a simpleton in this cycle we call relationship. I breathe, I take, I live. All the Is without knowing the whys. I say I care about the other when the other has been the one to live up to my expectations of love, feeding it unconditionally to the point of me feeling powerful and omniscient about this gift that I was given. Pull me down back to reality. Help me stand on my own two feet once more, perhaps it will teach me how to fight again - for myself and for the other.

Do not seek, just do.

I wanted to write but I keep second guessing myself. I have already back spaced a bit.  Another one.  :p 

Life has been good and the pieces seem to be all here near me.  I feel like an almost finished puzzle.  But that can't be since I'm only 24.  There's a whole life out there that needs to be pieced together.  

Wary and anxious.  That's how I feel about my future. Yep, I'm thinking of it, imagining it on how it would be like.  But why worry about the future if I don't have a present?  Being more responsible and careful is my number one priority in saving myself from disorder.  I'd probably have to throw away a bit of unpredictability (unless I get bored).  It's never fun without it.  

Books are still a good source of taking my mind to different places. It's a good thing I have not gotten tired of reading.  

Perhaps I need a new hobby to take away this little hole that is starting to develop in me.  It's still the adventure in me that creeps in from time to time.  Any suggestions? 

Question for the day: What were you thinking? 

An Indulgent Stay in Bohol

Our company outing this year was in the Philippines so I got to go home.  Well...not exactly since we've decided to take a trip down south - Cebu, the Queen City and Bohol, the land of Tarsiers and Chocolate Hills.  

Peek-a-boo: Tarsier 

It's actually my 3rd or 4th time in Cebu so it wasn't that exciting for me.  It's my second time in Bohol. The last time I went was only for a day tour of the place.  This time around I was lucky enough to choose the resort.  I had to do a bit of research coz we needed a place good for relaxing and some team building.  I took a suggestion from my friend and it was down to Amarela Resort.  It was nice, clean and idyllic.  

Garden Facade: Amarela Resort

View from Veranda: Amarela Pool

Steps to the room

It needs a bit of improvement on the staff side though. I guess the place wasn't really that suited to big groups despite the size.  It's more for couples and families. Still, we had a good time.  The food was so-so. But it was a culinary experience for most of my colleagues since it's their first time in the Philippines.  Here are some of the food you can order from the resort restaurant.  

Crispy Pata

Seafood Platter

Avocado Shake

Ooh almost forgot, you have to try their Amarela cocktail. Divine.  I think the bartender already knew how I like after my second order.  :) 

What I loved about the place is really the uniqueness of each room.  I went and peeked at each room which we booked.  Each place had its own quirks.  Every room had a unique set of keychains. The set-up such as the paintings were different for each room.  Each room had its own feel. We only got the superior rooms so I do wonder what it would feel like in the deluxe rooms. It doesn't hurt to go back right? :p

Unique keychain designs for each room

Cute Shell-Soap Dish

I also liked that they had a library of not only books but DVDs as well.  There was an extensive line of new titles for both and are for free by the way.  You borrow a DVD and popped it on your player in your own room or just grab a book and head on towards the beach where there are hammocks for some reflection chu-chu.  :P Their massage service wasn't so bad right at your own room, and relatively cheap too (especially for Singaporean standards).  

Little Nook 

1st Floor: Reception, Sitting & Dining Room

2nd Floor: Library

We had of course a tour of Bohol countryside (which was not that new to me) but it was still all good.  The usual was on the list of course...Blood Compact Shrine, Baclayon Church, Chocolate Hills, Tarsier Encounter and Loboc River Cruise.  Second time around wasn't so bad since you get to experience with a different group. Another memorable activity we did was our snorkeling session in Balicasag Island.  The fish sanctuary was fantastic. There were all kinds of fishes, corals, and even a big turtle.  Bohol is famous for its dive sites so its a must-see.  

I recommend everyone who has not set foot in Bohol to go and stay in Panglao Island. 3 days and 2 nights would be worth it. Have your countryside tour on your first day.  Go snorkeling or scuba diving on your second day.  Then have a relaxing day on your third and just breathe in the tranquility of the sights.  Indulge as I always say.  

Sunset at Amarela

A National For A Day

What does it feel like to be a national here in Singapore?

Try attending the National Day Festivities here. I was able to attend the preview though (a week before the actual National Day). Tickets are given away via lottery so you don't really get to queue up and buy a ticket. So how was I lucky enough to get a ticket? Long story but it was really last minute. Good thing I went.


Grandstand Entrance

I already arrived late but it was all good. Most of the main events don't start until a bit later. Hmm...I'm being lazy so I copied the program details from my multiply site. :)

There are 3 segments:

(1) Pre-parade: This includes mass-displays, choir performances, school band marches, cheerleader dances, sky-diving displays, and other light-hearted performances to entertain the crowd prior to the parade proper.


Sky-diving Displays


Flag-waving


View of the Singapore Flyer

(2) Parade Proper: This comprises marches from the different sectors of the Singapore police force and military. Then a helicopter carrying the Singapore flag flies in to officially start the ceremonies. Other ceremonies were also performed such as gun salutes to key officials of Singapore, followed by various cultural performances (in different languages). Song Theme: One Nation, One Singapore. The highlight of this segment are the Black Knights F16 aerial stunts (super cool!).


Police & Military Force Parade


Black Knights F16


Cool Heart Formation

(3) Show segment: Here comes in the “Search!”, “Sense!”, “Spring!” and “Shine!” - the four different stages of the whole final show performances. During this segment, you'd see eye-catching props, colourful costumes, energetic acrobatics, and hyped-up performers. The show ends with a spectacular fireworks display.


AVP Colourful Display


Parade Float with performers


Fireworks Finale Display

I was lucky enough to attend since some of my colleagues (who have resided here forever) have not yet attended a single National Day Program.

Singapore National Day: August 9

Tourist Food Trips

For two weekends, I've become a tourist in Singapore.

The first weekend of being a tourist was when my BF came over. I was waiting for him to come so I can finally be able to eat chilli crab - the specialty here in Singapore. Prior to this long-awaited meal, I had to research which places serve good chilli crab at reasonable prices. Location was a priority as well, since the trip itinerary was tight. There were a lot of restaurants that serve this famous dish I tell you. I got a headache just from searching. Finally, I decided to stick with this restaurant near the hotel we were staying called the No. 3 Crab Delicacy

I read the reviews from this site and was interested with the 'bigness' that the author talked about. We were starving when we got to the resto so unfortunately no pics. :) We tried the chilli crab and the butter garlic crab (for the weak stomachs who can't take the heat :P). The fried tofu, yang chow fried and honey spare ribs wasn't so bad but the big treat was the chilli crab. Will definitely go back and try again but this time I'll make sure I snap some pics.

The second weekend I became a tourist was when my sister came over. She's definitely into eating and even has a list of vegetarian-allowed types of food. We were at Chinatown when we chanced upon a hawker area. We scrounged the area for the food on the list. First up ...


Fried Carrot Cake

Unfortunately, there was bits and pieces of meat mixed into it (I guess for flavoring). I didn't even noticed but vegetarians apparently know even in small amounts - they can distinguish. So strict vegetarians forewarned. She still ate a bit since she wanted to try it.

We also ordered peanut soup and teh tarik (my first time trying these) to share and I got the laksa - a coconut-based curry soup.


Teh Tarik and Peanut Soup

Laksa

During our Chinatown tour, we stopped by a pastry shop called Tong Heng which served us free mooncake and egg tarts. It was the mooncake festival and I was starting to get sick of mooncake (no offense to the Moon Girl above). The egg tarts were interesting but not really my thing. My sister loved it.


Egg Tarts, near Chinatown

Our search for food suited for vegetarian continues when we finally found popiah. I was introduced to popiah by my colleague at the food market near Boon Keng station. Popiah is like our Filipino version of sariwang lumpia but this one with chilli. Yummy. :)


Popiah

We also included the meal with roti and teh tarik once more.


Roti (with curry sauce) & Teh Tarik

My sister also craved for some healthy refreshing drinks. Here's an idea for all you veggie, fruit and milk lovers out there. The store is called Mr. Bean . She ordered a celery milk drink (hmmm, sounds too veggie to me). There are a lot of branches around Singapore so it's easy to find.

An interesting dinner that we had was at the community hall near the Mosque in Kampong Glam. Since it was Hari Raya month, the Mosque serves food to everyone who'll come to them. This was a treat and a unique experience for us. We were able to break fast with fellow Muslims. After our Malay tour around the area and a lesson in Islam and Singapore history, we were treated with hospitality and given food to share with our fellow tour mates. Here's the food served and me feeding myself with hand. "When in Rome, do what the Romans do".


Chicken w/ yellow rice and dates

Eating with hands

Of course, the food trippings wouldn't have been complete without Indian food - savory and spicy. Yes! My sister got a vegetarian meal set while I had Mutton curry. Papadums (Indian version of our Chicharap) are of course a snack treat that I got addicted to it for a while. But really the oil can kill if you eat a lot. :)


Vegetarian Set meal

Mutton Curry

These are just a bit of what we ate during the weekend. There were some snacking in between which we didn't take pictures of. The whole two weekends was a feast of the senses - especially taste. Here in Singapore, you can never go wrong with food. There are still a lot of stuff to try and I'm the type of girl who likes to try anything once. If I like it, I'll definitely try again and again. One colleague even told me that I enjoy my food a lot since it shows a lot on my face - kinda orgasmic - that's what she said. Oooh, must've mean something else entirely? Perhaps. Haha.

My solace, my sweet solace. 

Don't speak. Don't say anything. My confidence is shattered by you - just you.  Never been good at anything.  But you still have a way of shutting down whatever I have.  Talent is not a noun I'm familiar with.  I was even lost on my first step in the real world. I was shut down.  Yes, I was.  Even now, I'm not even sure if I'm any good at what I do.  Faults are mentioned more about me. They are frequent in their descriptions of me.  At first, perhaps it was something superficial. "Oh her, yeah, she's nice...and pretty I guess". Yes, but it will change coz when I talk, I open up, I be me - definitely change. So just shut up Z. 

Yes, just don't speak, don't say anything. 

You're much better at everything. I say this - it's wrong. I say less - why aren't you saying anything. I say more - you don't have to. I say something right - finally! Never good enough, always coming up short. 

People should just shut up and stay in their own little world. Be like the people in Wall-E. Maybe that will be better so no one will end up hurt.  No one will be happy either but what the heck. I'm just the problem here by thinking too much.  Wall-E should just probably clean up one more.  Yes, one more trash to get rid of.  

Question for the day: Why can't I just shut up? 

Is it foolish to be engrossed in every book, movie or series that I find to my liking? I usually escape to this world away from reality. I take everything in and let it bombard my senses – I drift away and let myself be dragged into metaphysical experiences in my head. Some say I take things to heart and let it control the rest of my day. Bottomline: I get affected easily.

I noticed how I shut things out once I’m on that “last” syndrome. I tend to forget and neglect. I don’t even mind because I wanted to feel that way – happy, sad, hurt, elated, depressed, adventurous etc. It all depends on what I just read or watched. This is probably the reason why sometimes I act irrationally. I just let my imagination run wild. It’s just not usually out. It’s tucked neatly in my memory spaces and has an on/off switch, which gets turn on right after a good book/movie. Then will not shut down for some time. Time limit unknown.

I guess it’s better to get intoxicated in these experiences rather than me doing something illegal. It’s such a petty excuse but if I took this to extremes then I’ll be having a problem in my hands. Probably soon though, if you leave me alone for longer periods of time. Help?

What I need is a big dose of reality again, maybe watch a bit of CNN and realize that my imaginary world will never come close to what is seen there. Give me a bit of straightforward, stiff news out there. Add a bit of boringness as well with talk of politics and economy. Hey, I’m not saying these things are not important. It just bores the hell out of me. Come on, as I’ve said…kill me now.

Question for the day: Do you know who I am?

Shopping Day

It was the 13th of July - my little brother's birthday when I went to do a bit of money spending with our shopping guru Jason.

We roamed around the shops in Suntec City Mall wherein we touched ground with a Topshop store and I bought a white top which I didn't expect to buy at all. But since it was on uber discount, especially with Reena's UOB card, I was left with no choice. And don't worry...I do not regret purchasing it since I already wore it once with another ensemble. It was fab.



White Top bought in Topshop for less than SGD 20

We proceeded to Marina Square where we continued to browse at more shops such as Mango which I was able to leave unscathed without any purchases.Then the store which I've been avoiding was now around the corner. I finally had to purchase something. I told myself I won't since the sale has been on for weeks before my likely buy. As expected there weren't much stocks but I had to buy this. Here's my new Zara top.


Curves that show on all the right places.

I just had to buy it. Right? :)

Situation No. 1 

I don't think I can let go of this tift.  It's stuck in my head when suddenly my memory bank dislodges. I wanted to let go since happiness should be around the corner.  I'd probably not.

Maybe it has come to a point not everything is what you want it to be. Everything has it's own time.  This time is about realizing moments, situations, and decisions.  Being independent should give us the chance to think about our lives - if it's indeed something to be shared.  

A Different Note 

I notice that people are never satisfied.  I realized that I'm the type of person who constantly want to please people and gain recognition for it.  Dang.  Still selfish I guess.  Giving is about never asking for anything in return.  I like to give but I need the 'thank you' from a person that goes along with it.  Is that really selfish? You let me know.   

Senses 

I'm elated to know that I did something good for a change.  I'm usually such a gutter ball but now I think I've hit a strike. Thank you Lord for constantly being there even when I neglect to even say thanks.  

Question for the day: What are you thankful for? 

Desaru Celebration

It has been a while since I've written on my travel blog. So I guess I better get my ass moving, uhm, my hands writing I mean. : )

It was last May 30 to 31 when we decided to celebrate our friend Reena's birthday at Desaru Malaysia. It's just an hour's ride away from Tanah Merah ferry terminal here in Singapore. We stayed at Pulai Desaru Hotel.


Treehouse near the Desaru Beach

The place wasn't so bad. The room was big and there were four of us sharing each room. There were a total of 12 people who went to experience Desaru. It is much secluded so there aren't many places you can go to. The food was only so-so and we had limited choices. It was usually buffet meals so we still get to fill our empty bellies. The beach wasn't so bad but of course it was incomparable to the beaches in the Philippines. But fun is not usually where you are, but who you're with. Check it out.


Group pic at the beach


Whatcha looking at?

Tick-tock

I seem to have all the time in the world but I still have no time at all.  

People reason out that they don't have time but they're just lazy to do anything with their time. You want to do a certain task, you have the means to do it, and you're willing to do it. But you just don't have time, right? 

Totally wrong.  Come on people, time is not the problem. It's really you. Time is your company here. He's always around for you. Each second is dedicated to help you do your thing. But you waste away with nothingness and excuses.  You blame him but you dilly-dally. He's been your ally, giving you ample reasons to work and find your purpose.   Idleness is your sickness and not time's problem.  Help yourself somehow and you'll notice time wants you to achieve your goals.  So buck up and start spending each second with a purpose.  The rewards are fantastic, I bet.  

Question for the day: What time is it?   

At the end of the day...

I've started to build myself around another human element and form as one.  But as this other element starts to malfunction, I have to malfunction as well.  This is what I did to myself - destruction.  

I hated the fact that my circuits are all intertwined with this other being.  My thoughts, feelings and emotions have gone hay-wired.  It's all but a crazy ride. I try to fix it but it doesn't want to get fixed because it is teaching me what it means to be destructive.  

I guess because I have a standard all to myself. However, this being bypasses all my processes because I can never be just me again.  It always has to be with this element in my life because I made my choice.  That since that time I made it, I really don't have freedom to move.  

Easily I can just break it off because I created this bond.  But it seems that this bond has become stronger than anything I've ever had in my life.  Honestly, I'm scared and that's not a good thing. If fear is the only that is keeping me here in this state, it's not healthy because it will eventually eat me inside.  

I hate myself more than I hate this being.  I thought that I can have my cake and my icing too. I wanted to be individualistic - to be free to fly like Peter Pan. It was not possible anymore. If one chooses this path, one has to learn that there are consequences.  It's not easy yet the rewards are fulfilling.  It just so happens that there are difficult pitfalls along the way. Most people just like me still take this bond because in the end the rewards are still worthwhile. So just take it or leave it.  

... everyone should be alone

Question for the day: I asked if you trust me?  

Cravings.

What makes you tick? What makes you want the things you want? What excites you the most?

Tell me because when I start to think of what mine is (pause) it suddenly changes. It's different all the time. I have never had just that one tick.

Bitchy.

Suddenly, I'm starting to show some claws. I promised myself that it won't show since I'm not in my comfort zone but it's itching to come out. I guess the people around me aren't helping at all. But hey, I'm trying.

Sanity.

I need to keep mine amidst all the chaos - the silent chaos. I crave noise, a particular noise though. It is usually in different forms - a laugh, a persistent shout, a giggle, a smirk, a sigh, a frank reply, a loving compliment, a greeting, a nickname that I'm called. These are just some of the noise that I crave. Oops, we're back to the craving part. Here it is. This is my craving this week. I think last week was french fries. Hmm...

It has never been exciting if I'm not depressed. It's such a lame excuse though that I can write better when I'm freaking lonely. Dang chocolates, it's helping subside the loneliness. Let's blame the sweets.   I'm having a Lily Allen's Smile song syndrome. I'm upbeat but really now, just read the lines ...when I see you cry it just makes me smile...

Question for the day: What is your craving?

Blog Test

Welcome to something new, slightly old, but usually blue. :) 

A Week to Ponder

Currently, I'm still trying to do some magic on the kitchen. The meals are mostly basic though but I think I'm doing okay. I'm also on a budget trial and error this week. So far, I think I can limit myself to a certain amount every week. I just need a little restraint on the 'gimiks' with the highschool barkada here. I admit our Friday dinners are still worth it.

We had dinner at Miss Clarity Cafe , a local family restaurant that serves American-French food. I shared a big set meal with Reena. We first had some salad then the main dish which is Old Macdonald with extra rice to share - this meal is a smorgasbord of chicken, sausage, lamb, beef, bacon, french fries. Lastly, we had chocolate ice cream. It was a fun and delicious meal.

After church last Sunday, we all went to hang at Bukit Batok (Jabeerdon's place) and played PS2. And here's a picture of Reena and me competing on Crash Bandicoot Racing and yes, we are concentrating like hell.

It's also Vesak Day (Buddha's Birthday) today, which means holiday in Singapore. It was another day of rest (well more time to finish chores). :)

Food Trip

This week I tried my hand with cooking. I decided to cook the minced pork that my mom and I bought back when she was here.

Beef with minced potatoes

I bought some the next day at the office. Some of my office mates said that it was not bad. Hmm...What does 'not bad' mean? It's just edible yet without taste?

Okay, my next meal (which were not done consecutively). I cook when I have time or when I'm not tired.

Fishball Sharksfin Soup

I usually cook enough for two meals. If I wasn't that hungry, I eat bread. (walnut banana bread or peanut butter & jelly sandwiches). During office lunch hour, I usually eat near the office in Balestier Road. There are some small chinese restos that serve food around $3 to $7 (P90 to P210). That's relatively cheap in Singaporean standards. I usually stick to $5 and below. I had a very savory mutton one lunch time (recommended by one of my office mates). It was cheap as well coz I had mutton curry, garlic spinach, one piece of meatball, and rice. It only amounted to $3.50 and it was quite filling.

Fridays are days when I have little splurges in the food department. This Friday, I met up with my high school batch mates and we had dinner at Hot Tomato Express. Okay, no pics. It was a last minute thing so we didn't bring any cameras. The four of us in the table shared meals. We had tomato soup, one whole spring chicken, sirloin steak with pasta, and seafood risotto. Hmmm...yep, dinner cost us around $11 each person. Not so bad.

Here's a link with the review of the place:

It was on Saturday after I opened my new bank account when I did a little grocery shopping. I wanted to buy orange juice and bread. That's it. But I decided to buy beef since not all supermarkets sell them. The consumers here are more into chicken first, pork second. Then, I saw this delicatessen inside the supermarket that had some Danish streaky bacon and the price wasn't bad. So I got some. One of my food weaknesses is bacon, I admit. My sister said it takes around 7 years to digest. Darn, right? But who doesn't love bacon? No pics of the bacon. You've seen bacon so no need for pictures. So I had bacon with eggs for my Saturday lunch. I also cooked this meal (image below) so I will do one cooking for the day. It saves time and less washing to do.

* This one I don't really know what to call. I just tried it. And yes, it looks like the first one above but this one with mushrooms.

Tonight, I had carbonara pasta with toasted bread. No pics since I actually forgot to take one. I already gulped the whole thing before I remembered. It wasn't a big production since I made use of a ready-made sauce that my mom bought as well. It was a little tangy (maasim). I added some parmesan, italian seasoning and it was good for me.

This was one week's worth of food tripping. I do hope I don't get too fat here. Hmm...but people are here are skinny. :) *Yes, I'll keep telling myself that.

Solitude Continued

It was an emotional roller coaster (probably due to my nearing monthly visitor). But I believe it's because I'm homesick.

Still, I had an eventful week. I itemized each with a corresponding title. :)

(1) BOOK CRAZY: I bought a book because of the very tempting sale that was presented before me. Here's the book that I bought at 20% off.

* I have the first book prior to this one and I loved the detailed storytelling and imaginative narration. I'm not even halfway and I'm hooked.

(2) LEGALITIES: I have my employment pass already. It was officially approved last April 29 which means I can now stay here in Singapore. :)

(3) MOVIE-GOER: Another exciting event that happened was I got free tickets to watch Ironman at the Grand Cathay last April 30. It was my first movie experience here in Singapore. Unfortunately, I misplaced the movie ticket due to the hubbub as we entered the movie house. I usually collect movie tickets. Oh well.

(4) FRIENDS: The next day was spent at Bukit Batok where we had our Labour Day swimming party. We had lunch and merienda prepared by one of our very own chef Jason.

(5) SALE: Today, I went to the Fox Warehouse sale at Tampines Road. I didn't really expect to buy anything but I did. I was able to get 4 outfits for myself and one for a special someone. :) Good thing I did since it was worth it. This penny-pinching, expense-scared (takot sa gastos) girl got what she was waiting for. Here's one of the tops I bought with the Fox label.

Singapore Solitude Day 1

Today is my first day of living alone.

I woke up and started cleaning the master's bedroom (the guests within this room departed at 4 AM on a flight back to the Philippines). I took all the bed sheets, pillow covers, towels used by the departed guests and headed to the laundry. (*Don't worry, I separated the sheets from the towels).

The washing machine can be tricky but I've learned the art of handling it from my guru who stayed here around a month to teach me the tricks of the house. While the tub was turning, I went back to my room to further find dirt and disorder.

After the bed and pillow covers tumbled in the machine, I decided to clean my slacks together with other dark tops/shirts. I did the usual. Water level: Delicate. Wash:Mini. Rinse: No-no. After the whole process, I discovered something with one of the slacks.

Here's an image:

Yes! It's a wonder I didn't destroy the 'tumbling' machine. Okay, big boo-boo. My guru will be disappointed.

That's how it went. A lesson well-learned.

After a while, I had my lunch. I fried the marinated salmon. First, I sliced it into 3 parts so that I can cook it easily. I just had 1/3 of it and fried it on butter. Unfortunately, there is no photo. At first, I wasn't sure if it's still raw on the inside so I took it out and sliced it again and lo and behold, it's still sushi. So I placed it back and when it looked pink enough to eat (meaning the usual pink that I see when I was being served already cooked salmon). I remembered that there's still leftover rice from yesterday so I decided to put it in the pan after removing the salmon. I mixed it well on the butter and rosemary leftover. I added a bit of salt for taste. That's the story of lunch.

Dinner was eventless. Since I didn't want to eat rice, I just had mushroom instant noodles which I didn't like. I also had cake (given by the landlady from her hubby's birthday). Okay, I didn't like it because it was pineapple cake. Yech!

Before going back to my room, I took the bed sheets from the laundry airing section. Here they are now: