I've started to build myself around another human element and form as one. But as this other element starts to malfunction, I have to malfunction as well. This is what I did to myself - destruction.
I hated the fact that my circuits are all intertwined with this other being. My thoughts, feelings and emotions have gone hay-wired. It's all but a crazy ride. I try to fix it but it doesn't want to get fixed because it is teaching me what it means to be destructive.
I guess because I have a standard all to myself. However, this being bypasses all my processes because I can never be just me again. It always has to be with this element in my life because I made my choice. That since that time I made it, I really don't have freedom to move.
Easily I can just break it off because I created this bond. But it seems that this bond has become stronger than anything I've ever had in my life. Honestly, I'm scared and that's not a good thing. If fear is the only that is keeping me here in this state, it's not healthy because it will eventually eat me inside.
I hate myself more than I hate this being. I thought that I can have my cake and my icing too. I wanted to be individualistic - to be free to fly like Peter Pan. It was not possible anymore. If one chooses this path, one has to learn that there are consequences. It's not easy yet the rewards are fulfilling. It just so happens that there are difficult pitfalls along the way. Most people just like me still take this bond because in the end the rewards are still worthwhile. So just take it or leave it.
... everyone should be alone
Question for the day: I asked if you trust me?
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