Apologies Not Accepted

Dear You,

I have been neglectful lately and taken things for granted.  I created you as my source of energy and slowly sucked it out of you.  You ask for simple things in return which I disregarded like a shrug. I asked "what's wrong?" but you've let it go.  In turn, I've let it go as well, but I have not seen clearly the pain you're feeling.  We only have this strong emotional bond that ties us together but how long will it last?  Every time it comes to the point of argument, I tell myself to be different, to change to suit to your rules and principles.  I still rebel and do it my way.  No matter what I start to do, the next day would still return the old me.  The real problem lies in me - I care too much outwardly, in turn, I neglect things that should have mattered the most.  I am truly sorry and I wish with all my might that I could turn back time and regain back your trust and confidence in me.  I'm hurt by what you've said but I guess like they say "the truth does hurt".  I want to give you an out but I'm too scared to ask it.  I'm not as courageous and aloof as I was before.  The thought of losing you is more sad than the saddest song I've ever heard.  Still, if you do give me the exit door, then I will try to cross it.  I know I've said this before, but really, if this what it takes me for me to realize my selfishness and change for the better.  I will really have to take this journey of change ahead.  I'm afraid to ask for more chances which I've failed, but for the last time, I will still ask for it...

Yours truly,
Me

Excruciating Moment in Time

For one moment of weakness, I have now turned my well-ordered life upside down.  A whirlwind of one mistake after the other.  Listening is not one of my great skills and I find myself doing everything that opposite of what I've been told.  Why? Coz I'm just obstinate.  I actually have a good life and shouldn't even complain. But the feeling of lost is suddenly so much clearer now without the rose-colored tinted glasses.  It's as if a dose of an extreme cold reality has completely obliterated them.  Peace, where are thou when I needed you the most?  It's a jumble of emotions that I'm feeling right now.  And I'm in a place when a phone call, a visit, a road trip away is not possible.  How I long for just a quick getaway to Tagaytay or somewhere like a favorite trip to a bookstore can help cure the blues away?  This is not home.  It has never been and might never be home.  I miss my old room.  I miss my lil brother who with just a smile and a laugh can take away the sadness in me.  Please don't mistake my musings that I do not have such person taking care of me here - I do and he makes me happy a thousand fold.  I just need that family warmth and safe environment familiarty to cushion me when I feel this depressed again.  As I was releasing some extra water from the dam, I cannot help but reminisce and miss my friends. TP for one...has been a respite or an easy call away when I'm feeling stupidly morose.  But now as more time passes between our close & easy conversations just feels like just a distant memory.  Reading this whole thing again before posting makes me sound like such a whiny person, sigh*.  I really hate myself right now.  Maturity hasn't entered into my life equation yet.  I'm stuck to being the spoiled little girl who just so happens to know too many words so she can write down things to complain about. 
I do hope I'd get the jolly old me back again and return back the happy facade (I mean face) back to my personality again.